Child2Care - Public forum

	Imagine that! Toddlers and imaginary friends
	Is candy really bad for kids?
	Would you trust your child's teacher if you knew he/she got his/hers degree online?
	Is your video game to blame for your violent child? (part 1)
	Is your video game to blame for your violent child? (part 2)
	Getting Started

Imagine that! Toddlers and imaginary friends

Posted by: Administrator

Posted on: 21 May, 2010 8:32 pm EDT

have 5 friends at school", my son tells me. "That's great" I reply, "who are they?" -"There is Mahman, Banras, Banmah, Pamha and Paul" he recites. "Ahh", I say "and what do they do?" -"Mahman is the biggest, he is even taller than you and he can move rocks and fight dragons" -"Cool. Can I play with them?". The answer doesn't take long to come -"No, they are my friends".

These stories and others can be routinely heard from parents. In-fact, studies show that almost two-thirds (65%) of kids have one or more imaginary friends by the age of 7 (Singer, 1990) [2]. This study has been reaffirmed repeatedly by other recent studies that have been made in this area (Taylor, 1999) [3].

After reading opinions from different experts in the field I found that, as many times, truths lies between two poles of opinions, those of Taylor & Singer and those of more conservative, usually earlier works such as Dr. Benjamin Spock. Some magazines go as far as calling them 'myths' [6]. While I believe most of times there is not much reason to concern, calling them 'myths' is somewhat of a journalistic propaganda. Finally I found some good answers in a book called "The Baby in the Mirror" by Charles Fernyhough and his post here, a very recommended read.
In this article I would try to directly address the concerns the you as a parent may have, what alert signals to look for and how to react with your child.

Concern #1: My child is weird, she has an imaginary friend.
This is the most common concern and mainly stems from the fact that we look at the kids as small adults. As an adult that would seem different and weird, but any kid psychology book will tell you kids are not 'small adults'. Also, as mentioned before, most kids have some sort of imaginary companion by the age of 7 [2, 3].
What to do? It is not practical to try to convince your child to distinguish between imaginary and real friends, instead look for weirdnesses outside of imaginary play-mates. Does she have any problems relating to other kids? If her social skills are ok most likely she is very normal.

Concern#2: Imaginary friends may "stick around" to create schizophrenic episodes as an adult.
This is the most serious and most worrying thought that parent may have, even if they are not actively saying it, or know how to put their finger on it. The fear that a playful act will cause permanent damage to the child's personality is a real kicker. Young children's experiences have some similarities with the unusual perceptions and beliefs that both healthy adults and psychiatric patients report, and they may also share some common underlying cognitive mechanisms (Charles Fernyhough) [5]. However the widespread opinion is that since children's brains do not comprehend reality same way as we do, at least until age of 7, there is no relation between a child's imaginary friend and schizophrenia.
What to look for? Be alert that there is such thing as schizophrenia at childhood. If you have any concern that your child's imagination is interfering with her normal life, you should seek a help of a professional. Take for example a post that reports of a child that is playing with imaginary cousin, when the real cousin was downstairs visiting, this shows a problem of connecting with reality and social engagement.

Concern #3: My child is lonely / sad / afraid, that's why she has to make up friends to take the blame.
Again, this is something that may explain such behavior with adults, but as mention before, a child brain works differently. The fact is the friend is many times like a big brother or an idol and some time it is just 'fun' (Taylor, 1999) [3].
What to look for? Try to listen to the kind of conversation that is going on between your child and her 'friend'. This should give you a hint as to why this friend was invented in the first place. In the example I gave at the beginning of this article, all of the friends were 'fun' idols, but if you see you child applying weird and unaccepted behavior to her friend, you might want to talk about this with your toddler's pediatrician.

Concern #4: My child is making up friends to fantasize about the other sex.
In one study it was shown that majority of kids had friends of the same sex, however in cases when a child had an imaginary friend of the opposite sex, it was a usually girl making up a boy-friend. In the same study it was also found that boys had more nonhuman imaginary friends than girls did (Manosevitz, Prentice, and Wilson 1973) [4].
Another study showed that boys tended to have imaginary friends who were more competent than they were and girls tended to have imaginary friends that were less competent (Harter and Chao 1992) [1]. This matches my personal observation with kids as well.
What to do? Imagination comes in all shapes in sizes, if this is engaging in regular play most experts would agree this is normal.

Concern #5: The reason for my child is making imaginary friends is because she is an introvert.
In her book "Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them", Marjorie Taylor writes: "The kids who are choosing to create imaginary friends tend to be more sociable and to have more friends than other children." [3]. I have also confirmed the same observation with other groups of kids I have worked with.
What to do? Observe your child with other kids around. Most likely you would find that she is not an introvert at all and will be the first one to engage in a playful activity. Also look at the amount of time spent with 'imaginary' play. If this occupies most of the child time you might want to mention it to your pediatrician on your next visit.

Concern #6: My child's imaginary friends are just "too weird".
One of the biggest finds of Taylor et al was that "[the imaginary friend] can be anything from a mouse that sits on a shoulder to a flying penguin to a tiny baby in the palm of your hand, the diversity is actually the real finding" [3]. At this point it would be hard to find something that is "too weird" and if it is, you may celebrate the fact that your child has an exceptional imagination.
What to look for? See what kind of creatures your child is drawn to, it may be a good opportunity to teach your child about babies, penguins etc.

Concern #7: Should I now be worried than my child, age 7, never had any imaginary friends?
I felt that the result of research by Taylor was almost accounting to that, i.e. those kids will grow up to be unimaginative, introverts and generally on the weaker end of the population, but of-course that is not true. Taylor was trying to create a balance between the fear of imaginary friends and reality. In reality it is just the statistics of when the child brain develops, or which parts are developed first.
What to do? Make sure you engage your child with many "left brain" activities. Reading stories, drawing, music etc. If you child is already enjoying this activities there is absolutely nothing to worry about, I can most certainly say she is "normal".

The author is a parent to a 5 year-old kid and is an undergrad psychology major.

References -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] Harter, S., and Christine Chao. "The Role of Competence in Children's Creation of Imaginary Friends." Merrill-Palmer Quarterly 38, 1992 (350-370)

[2] Singer, Dorothy G., and Jerome L. Singer. "The House of Make-Believe: Childrens Play and the Developing Imagination." Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1990.

[3] Marjorie Taylor . "Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them." Oxford University Press, 1999.

[4] M Manosevitz, NM Prentice, F Wilson. "Individual and family correlates of imaginary companions in preschool children" Developmental Psychology, 1973.

[5] Charles Fernyhough . "The Baby in the Mirror: A Child's World from Birth to Three" London - Nature Publishing Group, 2008.

[6] Rachel Simpson . "Imaginary Friends, Revealed." Wondertime Magazine, April 2008.

Print This Page | Send To A Friend

Comments(1165)